I speak for my people

My voice sounds like a whimper amidst shouts of “NaMo! NaMo!” I fall back on my seat, tired from pacing in eagerness for the declaration of results. Now, what was I expecting? The exit polls showed a gaping margin of win for BJP. And from the start of counting, it was toppling all the stalwarts of the losing party.

To conceal who is your candidate (party) of choice is a thing of the past now. We citizens of the largest democracy of the world were so desperate for a dramatic change that we not only announced proudly who deserved to win, but also tried to influence those who didn't agree with us. Yes, the lotus appealed to where the hand failed. It promised to rectify all wrongs. I trust it will. That is the need of the hour, to regain the respect we rightly deserve.

Even before the lotus showed leading in the counting charts, the mere anticipation had the sensex shoot up, the neighbouring countries reconsider their stand and the chances of another recession look bleak. This looked like the heralding of an economic and political stability. I definitely want a government that can lift India out of the quagmire. But I also pray for a government that wouldn’t allow the atrocities that my people were a victim to, agonize them again. 

The hand had looted us at gun-point. All statistics blare out the disparity what our country enjoyed a decade back and what it has been reduced to now. If I have even an iota of patriotism, I wouldn’t want to be shamelessly robbed anymore. But I’m fearful of my safety now.

I don’t want to be another target just because I have a cross around my neck, or a white cap on my head or because I wear a turban. Nobody chooses bigotry deliberately. We are not Hitler. But at times, the passion to advance our beliefs so overpowers us that everything different from us seems not worthwhile to exist. I’m terrified of becoming a victim to this phase of communal wave. 

Mentioning each of those incidents, which send a shiver down my spine, would be futile because they have been discounted as ‘just another accident’ or one of ‘those riots’. But when we delve a bit more, we see just how those in power abetted such incidents.

It’s hard to influence people as such. Everyone has their own structure of priority. I thought for a moment if my worries were irrelevant? I spoke to people who shared the same fears. And I understood, not everyone can be biased. And I saw why everyone was opinionated alike. There must be a recollection of dread which is deep ingrained. 

My people have been a minority and will remain as such. I don’t demand for quotas or reservations or even any special privileges. I only ask to belong to this ‘secular’ nation, I proudly call my motherland.


“Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high...into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."
~ Rabindranath Tagore


Jai Hind!

This doesn't seem the end..

Howrah Bridge from Howrah Station

Every time I've come to Kolkata, it’s reluctantly. And every time I've left Kolkata it’s even more unwillingly.

The numerous trips have been for work, studies & holiday too! Notwithstanding the heat, I remember having come to Kolkata for a holiday during summers once! But, there is no particular time to be in Kolkata. It’s all the year round.

The dusty pale roads that suddenly become crowded and jam-packed during pujo seem just the place to put your feet on. The innumerable melas on every open ground. The paper-boys selling old newspapers for a Rupee to sit on the wet ground when it rains during the pandal-hopping days. The festivities do not die. “Come rain, come sun, we won’t cut down the fun!” This seems to be the motto of every Kolkata-dweller. 

Would you rather be at any place other than Park Street during the Christmas? I bet not. The festivities capture you and you just can’t go home. Nobody seems to mind the night out on the streets, stretching into the next day. The lights, fun and food beckon you.  The entire street closes to traffic from evening on, and every shop glows up in merry Christmas lights. The carnival here is a never-miss!

Calcutta University, opposite which the historic Coffee House is located

Old city Calcutta is a storehouse of historic assertions. It is full of buildings, old and dilapidated. But each of those is a heritage with some story that etches it’s connect with its past glory. I think the College Street Coffee House is probably the only place that allows smoking inside its premises. But again, it’s the only place that had the geniuses of Netaji Bose & Satyajit Ray come for a cuppa coffee too!

Inside the College Street Coffee House

The generous bus-conductors will spare you change for a 500 Rupees note even for a 6 Rupees bus ticket, if you call them “Dada”. And the smile never wipes from their faces. Every lady on the street-side chai-cigarette shop is a “Maasi”. She’ll pour steaming tea into an earthen cup from a metallic kettle that we had last seen in our alphabets book where we learnt “K for Kettle”. It is a visual delicacy. And the scent of Kolkata is undisputedly tobacco. Some person will definitely smoke on your face, to give you more than just a sniff.

The numerous puchka-walas at every street corner and the roll shops at the road-sides, every few metres provide the just right evening time snack. And every true-blooded Calcuttan will have a favourite shop in some ‘galli’ of some ‘para’.

One of my friends observed, “This city grows on you”. And rightly so. This city embraces you and doesn’t leave you. In case you still have to move on, it’ll go with you. How often in a new city have we bragged by saying- “But back in my hometown...”? For me Cuttack & Calcutta have been used interchangeably, in a complementary kind. 

Again providence has deemed it fit for me to move out of Kolkata. Still, this doesn’t seem the end. 

A Closure Quest

What is a good reason to move on?

What a stupid question to ask. But that’s the question at the top of my head when my mind and heart are at odds with each other. But why am I moving on? This would be your next question. Because a change was exigent, for one. Because I didn’t belong to where I was, is another reason. And maybe, as some wise old soul had observed, change is the only constant in life!

Move on, I must. But is it worth? Will I be taking any fragments with me or just shunning everything and leaving?

White earphones plugged into my ear, I sweat away the 45 minutes bus ride to my swanky office. It isn’t tedious, if I get a seat to sit. The rush, the chaos, I had begun to relate to it. Without that my life missed something. I cursed everyday about the congestion; even then, it had a settling effect on me.

The buildings on my way to office seem to have stood from eternity and maybe into forever too. When I left this city on a transfer, they stood their grounds. And when I returned after few months, they had not moved. And now, they seem to be pulling at my heart like magnets. It distresses me to think, how disheartened they’ll be, not to find me looking distractedly out my bus window someday.

Swiveling open the glassy doors and walking onto the glossy floors, that which is a self-contained world in its own, has people from all over the country, who have made it their home. The security lady dressed smartly with a cap, has the usual 30-seconds chit-chat with me. She is the most regular employee on floor. As I walk into my ODC, diffused lights glow brightly down on me and the dry coolness assuages the fatigue.

The late nights at office, the early morning calls at office, the sporadic training sessions, and the numerous mails over phone, were a commonplace. The managers, the mentees, the juniors, the senior, all would be addressed by their first names only. There was no strict hierarchal difference, except the ability to wield power at the appropriate (read ‘appraisal’) time.

The familiar perception about this job isn’t that heartening. Not only people belonging to the older age bracket, but people of our generation too, place an undue (my opinion) worth on other career preferences having any kind of government involvement.

I didn’t understand the abundance of commonality. It was rather a pride to belong to the cohort. I didn’t understand the lack of recognition. It was rather the joy of having the power to fix issues by being privy to coding. I didn’t understand the frustration of comparison. It was rather the surprise of having been chosen into this, in the first place!

It shouldn’t have been difficult. I knew the friends here, were only for their own benefits. I knew the ladder to success had a few rungs broken. I knew the podium of achievement was already a crowd. I knew every boss had his own camarilla.

But I also knew it won’t be the same anymore. I was aware of my efforts to carve a niche in this competitive field. However I hated it, I knew a part of me belonged here. I knew, out of here, I would be like a fish out of water. I knew there were a thousand reasons not to continue here, but that one reason in favour, was enough to dissuade.

There have been so many people who in their own small ways had made an impacting difference to everyday life. Some with their wide-grinned morning greetings, some with their approachability, and some with their ‘always there to help’ attitude. And even some with their unseen backing. 

There is no thorough way to thank them. Even less, with a goodbye-thank you. And when at the inevitable end you take leave, expecting to get a chance to continue to be grateful, you get an “all the best” and “meet you soon”. And that’s when you realize, you had not expected it. You had not wanted all to come to an abrupt end.

Some goodbyes seem so broken and incomplete. And due to these, the quest for closure still remains.

You are Beautiful.

I will shed your specious cloak
Peel off the garish mask
I will strip you naked of your ambitions
To be the cynosure of amorous eyes
I will straddle across you obdurate
And grip your face with my fingers
Till your eye-paint streaks your face
Till your lip colour smudges your cheek
With the alpenglow of your nose
I will moor you down
And grapple your greedy hands
I’ll plunge open your wanton heart
And mutilate your gaudy bias
I will be brusque and rough
And laugh at your nakedness
Then satisfied I’ll fall back
When I render you shorn
And win this sciamachy
Then I’ll look at you
Just as you are
With your anima back
You are so beautiful.

The bride to Be! Part-2

           ...Previously

As she turned to the full-sized mirror and started slipping on the bangles, she noticed the lone gold band on her left finger. It had a ‘R’ & ‘A’ entwined engraving. Another one of his insignia of love for her. Many major decisions had been considered playing with it. Slipping in and out, swiveling on the finger, and trying it on other fingers to check the fit.

One such day, playing with it, she had asked Rajat,
‘What if your parents disapprove?’ angst clouding her face.
‘They will not. I promise you. I love you a lot. And they love me. They’ll understand.’
This dispelled all her fears and she was again basking in his love, all irrational concerns thrown to the wind. His candid, modest smile which always conveyed, ‘I’m lucky to have you’, melt her heart.

But not long before, she had become irritable. Annoyed easily, snapping at anyone who tried to engage in a talk with her. Her taciturn temperament was inferable but unacceptable by her friends. They worried. They tried to divert her from both the extremes, either her staccato conversations or her dour tempers. But Rajat had salvaged her, from the wreck she could have become. She felt calmer, stronger and invincible with him. He had become the music to her that she always hummed. He was there. He was, well, he was hers.

She put their favourite instrumental tracks on repeat on her music system and started stowing things around, putting the room in order. She had never been in love before, never wanted to be. Nobody had quite met the standards of her tragic heroes of yore. And neither did Rajat. He never tried to match up to her fantasy apotheosis. But she was smitten. He came like a surprise which she never realized she missed till he came!

She walked to the table. The card was done in silver, just as she wanted. And had a blue ribbon tied at the front. She gently pulled it to open the card. It had their photos as she had planned. He looked his usual immaculate charming self, reserved, with the shy smile. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. But the other picture, she didn’t quite like. She touched lovingly on his name that was embossed in gold. RAJAT. Yes, Rajat, she thought, elation twinkling in her eyes.

She didn’t want to wait. She had to hear him now. He was on her phone’s speed dial. It rang twice before a woman answered.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi, may I speak to Rajat?’
‘Ya, he’s getting ready. Just a minute.’
‘Hi. Rajat.’ He said.
‘Hi!
‘Hey, hi! So good to hear you.’
‘How’s the groom getting ready?’
He smiled, ‘Ya, am almost ready. Are you ready? When will you be starting? You have to reach the venue before 2, ok?’
 ‘Ya, desperate fella’ she chided laughing, ‘I’ll be there before 2, to welcome the groom.’
He laughed, and continued, ‘And thanks. Really, I mean it. Thanks a lot for understanding. I tried my best, but it was contrary to their reason. But you understood. You were my support. You’re the best!’
‘You like her, right?’
‘Yes. Anwesha is a nice girl. My parents are very happy.’
‘Ya, that’s what matters the most. I’ll hang up now and see you soon.’
‘Yes, come soon.’

She disconnected, and looked at her phone wallpaper. It had her father’s inspiring words for two of his favourite ladies, her sister and she- “STRONG GIRLS DON’T CRY”. She shut her eyes tight, trying to keep a check on all the mingled feelings that were trying to gush out. ‘I won’t papa, I won’t’, she recited.

Jigyasa entered the room again, now calling all the friends one by one, to meet at some place. From there, they would travel together. She heard her arguing, pestering, and doing what not, just to ensure that all reach on time. ‘You have some time?’ she asked Jigyasa.
‘I have all the time. Why don’t these damn people get it? When you’re given a time, you ought to keep it! How do you expect me to manage?’ Jigyasa was fuming.

‘I want to visit my family’, she said calmly.
‘We are already running slightly late’, Jigyasa looked anxious. ‘No problem, we’ll manage, you go’, she said after a moment, smiling.
‘And please try to be soon’ Jigyasa called out as she dashed out the door, lifting her saree till ankles to avoid tripping.

Her friends knew. This was her tribute, her way of keeping her family involved in all decisions of her life. Before any major occasion, she’d slip away to the cemetery for some time.

She clicked the key into the ignition of her Honda and steered out to the petrol station just round the corner. She held out the credit card between two fingers and said ‘Tank full’. ‘Yes, ma’m’ came the reply and her card was swiped. She hit the reverse gear and swept a smooth turn. Then flipping her mobile out the car, she buzzed the window shut, and drove away.

After about 90 minutes of frantic searches and calls to a ‘not reachable’ cell-phone number, Jigaysa slumped on her bed, only to find a wedding card half concealed under the pillow, that read, ‘Rajat weds Anwesha’. That wedding was today at 2.

But hadn’t Ananya said she’d have to acquiesce,  since nothing could be done about Rajat’s parents not approving of them? Hadn’t Ananya finally agreed to her marry her colleague? And hadn’t Ananya wanted the engagement to be today?  But Ananya had already gone by then.

The Bride to Be! Part-1

She woke up at half past five. Though the alarm was set at seven and the wedding was at two. This was the day she had been waiting for. In fact, this is the day any girl awaits, with palpating anticipation.

She stretched lazily after the few hours of sleep she had managed, due to the exhaustion. But last night, she had struggled to sleep. She couldn’t stop smiling as she lay on the bed looking around her room for the last time.

Her eyes fell on the bedside table. On it stood a crystal vase with a bunch of wilted, dry roses. It was difficult to say which colour those roses would have been. But the memory of them was as fresh as they once were.

It was the day after he had proposed. He had got her this bunch of fresh, red, half-bloomed roses. She had excitedly taken the bouquet and retorted, it was not Valentine’s yet. To which he had replied, “It’s a valentine’s day, every day, with you in my life. I can’t wait for some bullshit day to show you that I love.” Thus, three years had passed.

They had planned on today’s date from a long time. 17th of April. It used to be her father’s birthday. The thought of him no longer made her funereal. Though, she felt extremely sad, not being able to introduce Rajat to him. Her dad would have been so proud and happy. Though the thought of him never failed to lacerate her, in good and bad times alike, Rajat was her panacea. Now he had become the one she could run to. Whenever, whatever, he was there.

But nothing was same after that night; when she was informed that her family had been the victim of a gruesome accident. She was rushed to the hospital by some neighbours. But her intuition screamed, she wouldn’t be able to talk to her parents and sister anymore. Her world had crashed around her, even before she reached the hospital. And she alone had to bear it.

Her uncle had entered the cold storage room first and confirmed their identities. She barely managed to snoop through the limited confines of a tiny window on the heavy door. Then she nervously entered the morgue. Three bodies were placed side by side. The white sheets covering the corpses were blotted red in places. The room reeked of blood and maybe preservatives too. She had to be carried out by two nurses, and given a couple of band-aids.

A year passed before she rejoined work. Jigyasa, her friend from school had moved in with her, when she came to work in the same city. The melancholies of life had dragged her rough, and tenaciously slow. She was just not her, the incestuous lady that reflected in the mirror. She was maimed beyond her own admittance.

But not today. She jumped out of bed and did a slow dance around the room. She thought she could smell his debonair fragrance. The thought of him made her hug herself in glee. She was feeling unusually shy today, thinking about him. Oh! My man, she thought. How, within a matter of months he had become the world, she had been trying to evade!

She picked the newspaper lying at the foot of her main door, and quickly opened to the page with the section she considered bestiary. But not Rajat. He followed it daily with an almost pious allegiance. ‘Steer clear of rash decisions. Consider your options before taking the plunge. Not a good day to be alone.’ This was the loud warning under her sun sign. She crumpled the paper and murmured, ‘Not today, honey. Not today.’

She ran to her cupboard. On the wall beside it, hung a large frame. The photo in it, was in contrasting sepia tones. It was their Ooty visit. Overwhelmed by his constant presence, and absorbing love, she had confessed ‘You’re like a dream to me.’ He had playfully he pinched her cheeks hard. ‘Oww’ she squealed. ‘No, I’m not’ he had grinned. And a friend had clicked.
 
She carefully brought down her wedding attire. It was a baroque lehenga, which her mother had worn during her wedding. She lifted it out slowly from the heavy box and observed it close, feeling its intricate patterns with her fingers. The rich crimson silk was overlaid with intricate gold motifs and glittering stones. She wished her mother was there to help her wear it properly, and then look on with pride, at what her little girl had become.

Jigyasa knocked and barged in before she could answer, and froze at the door. ‘You’re looking b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l’, Jigyasa muttered slowly, looking stunned. She stood blushing, trying to hold her saree pleats in place and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
‘Now that you’re ready, let me call the others, so that we can start.’
‘I still have to do my hair’ she meekly appealed.
‘Take your time sweetheart." Jigyasa smiled, "You’re already looking a gem. I don’t know what more you can do. But I won’t interfere.”

                                                                                                                Concluding...

Of Chinese on Banana leaves..

A long bus ride through the rugged roads of Tamil Nadu had left me craving for some exquisite French cuisine. Which was natural, as I had come to the ‘Europe of India’- Pudducherry.

Instead I had to settle for a restaurant famous for its Chettinad cuisine. And it has branches in Dubai & Singapore as well! Set before me was a banana leaf. I ordered for Chinese Chicken fried rice, which the waiter promptly got me. I looked helplessly as he placed the bowl of steaming fried rice before me and walked away. I was expecting him to replace the leaf with a plate, perhaps. Looking around embarrassed, I served myself on the banana leaf. And when I saw nobody noticing the weirdness, I confidently started eating. Soon the waiter returned, offering me a side dish. I thought to myself, what had I to lose anyways? I let him suggest, to which he promptly said- Chettinad chicken was their speciality. And within no time, I was mixing the chicken gravy with my fried rice and eating from my leafy platter. And this was just the beginning of my Pondy-trip.

Pondicherry has an exciting assortment of beaches, each unique and beautiful in itself. The Rocky beach, also known as the Gandhi beach has boulders, on which the sea waves crash. And running parallel is the Promenade. It is a wonderful place by day, and more so by night, when it is closed to vehicles. People come to casually stroll there under the warm orange street lights, with the noisy dark sea on one side and fancy eateries on the other, offering the perfect way to retire for the day.

 A small motor boat takes you through a creek to the Paradise beach. And when you step on the white sand, you realise, it truly is its namesake. A board declaring-Welcome to Paradise Beach, sweeps you into the cool embrace of the deep blue waters. The dwarf coconut trees make a perfect shade to sit & picnic around. There are also some thatched cottages where people can relax. They also have some make-shift changing rooms.  A small eatery, selling cold-drinks & snacks, completes the perfect setting. Look around you and you’ll see only water. Jump into the sea for a bath. A couple of police securities, with whistles are also posted, to keep a watch that nobody swims too deep. A good long ride back to the city on the hired moped dries you of the salty sea water.

The famed Aurobindo Ashram is close to the Gandhi beach. Set amidst a tranquil neighbourhood, it is a small building. You can almost go past it without it catching your attention. As you enter through its humble doors, you instantly soak in the quietness, as the disciples show you directions about the ashram, in hushed tones. It has lots of photographs and books by Aurobindo Ghosh & the Mother, his spiritual collaborator. You come out feeling, having entered another dimension.

A long (I mean really long) ride takes you away from the city to the township of Auroville. It has settlements and dwellers and shops, and is hard to ascertain exactly from where the establishment begins. The main attraction is the much hyped, and very aptly so, the Matrimandir. This golden dome is huge and grand to the sight, but unfortunately allows only those serious about meditating. But a cultural centre gives you all the details about the inside of this mysterious structure. And it’s fascinating. It also has a huge banyan tree, which is the geographic centre of the township. And this isn’t just a tree; it has buttress roots and aerial roots covering extensive area and looks like an old, gigantic tree stooping over many barks for support. Few minutes ride from here is the Auroville beach. This is a conventional sandy beach like any of our east-Indian beaches, with hawkers selling hats and goodies on the embankment. Getting a splash here is almost mandatory, because it’s a safe beach.

Pudducherry is a calm city with friendly, cooperative people. From the typical south-Indian snacks to the tasteful Fresh cuisine, and to the evergreen Pizzas, you’ll be spoilt for choice of food. Life takes a very relaxed pace as you set your foot in Pondy! Not only for tourists, but the people there also have shaken off the hurriedness, which is such a common plague in any city.

Verdict- Must visit!