The Last Hug

The handshake crushed her. Not just her hands, her whole soul. What could have been a hug remained just at the handshake.The familial touch was missing. The goosebump-inducing touch was now a cold, firm handshake.
'Hug me now, I'm right before you', she was silently crying. But he simply looked past her and walked away.
She lowered her eyes and turned away her face, only to hear the beloved voice call out in the exact same way her name used to be called - "Shona".
She turned immediately, eyes red and tear-rimmed. But no, the hallway was empty. What was happening? Who shook her hand? She tried to remember. It was him. It was definitely him! Or was it?
Dr Mittal opened the door to his chamber, which was one of the doors in the hallway that read 'Senior Psychiatrist'. He called out, 'Sonali, please come in, we'll begin your session. I hope you're feeling better after taking medication for a week.'
'Does the medicine which you prescribed have any side effects, doc?' she enquired, feeling unsure of her entire being now.
'Ah! It's a very strong medicine. It sometimes accompanies a slight headache and sometimes even hallucination in rare cases. That's why I had written very low dosages for you. I think the medicine has worked for you. You look much better today Sonali', Dr Mittal remarked.
'Now let's move to our session. Is there anything specific you'd like to ask or discuss?'
'I met him today, doc', Sonali replied, still looking down as if guilty.
'Where?' Dr Mittal asked calmly.
'Just outside, in the hallway, while I was waiting for my appointment with you.'
'Did you talk to him?'
'I couldn't. I just froze. He just shook my hand and left.' Her eyes welled up. 'I can't take this anymore, doc, no more. I want him so bad. I want us to be together again' she broke into intermittent sobs. 'Enough!' she said and hastily wiped her tears. 'He's mad at me, I'll apologise. He can't deny me. He just can't. I'm his weakness.' A faint smile appeared between her sobs.
'He can't be with you', Dr Mittal said even more calmly.
'Why not?' she asked indignantly. 'What have I done so bad that he would leave me for good? I'll make up to him.'
'He's dead. You're hallucinating, dear. He was bashed to death saving you when the goons attacked. Don't you remember?' Dr Mittal pleaded with her.
'Why aren't you believing me? I just shook hands with him!' she said in a whisper thinking to herself, 'Am I hallucinating now or was I hallucinating then?' and ran out of the doctor's chamber, to catch up to Rohit before he vanished again.

Conversations #1

"Don't dance before my eyes," he said.

"But I'm just sitting and reading," she replied, glancing up at him.

"Yes, but the way your lips move silently, as if whispering a reticent prayer. The way your eyes vacillate from the pages, to the open window, and to me. The way your fingers slip through your auburn hair and you rest your temple on the heel of your palm. And your words weigh down, carefully aimed to knock down any defence of apprehension. They are nothing less than a rendition. And you say you're just sitting?' he said amused.


Also published at The Anonymous Writer

The bride to Be! Part-2

           ...Previously

As she turned to the full-sized mirror and started slipping on the bangles, she noticed the lone gold band on her left finger. It had a ‘R’ & ‘A’ entwined engraving. Another one of his insignia of love for her. Many major decisions had been considered playing with it. Slipping in and out, swiveling on the finger, and trying it on other fingers to check the fit.

One such day, playing with it, she had asked Rajat,
‘What if your parents disapprove?’ angst clouding her face.
‘They will not. I promise you. I love you a lot. And they love me. They’ll understand.’
This dispelled all her fears and she was again basking in his love, all irrational concerns thrown to the wind. His candid, modest smile which always conveyed, ‘I’m lucky to have you’, melt her heart.

But not long before, she had become irritable. Annoyed easily, snapping at anyone who tried to engage in a talk with her. Her taciturn temperament was inferable but unacceptable by her friends. They worried. They tried to divert her from both the extremes, either her staccato conversations or her dour tempers. But Rajat had salvaged her, from the wreck she could have become. She felt calmer, stronger and invincible with him. He had become the music to her that she always hummed. He was there. He was, well, he was hers.

She put their favourite instrumental tracks on repeat on her music system and started stowing things around, putting the room in order. She had never been in love before, never wanted to be. Nobody had quite met the standards of her tragic heroes of yore. And neither did Rajat. He never tried to match up to her fantasy apotheosis. But she was smitten. He came like a surprise which she never realized she missed till he came!

She walked to the table. The card was done in silver, just as she wanted. And had a blue ribbon tied at the front. She gently pulled it to open the card. It had their photos as she had planned. He looked his usual immaculate charming self, reserved, with the shy smile. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. But the other picture, she didn’t quite like. She touched lovingly on his name that was embossed in gold. RAJAT. Yes, Rajat, she thought, elation twinkling in her eyes.

She didn’t want to wait. She had to hear him now. He was on her phone’s speed dial. It rang twice before a woman answered.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi, may I speak to Rajat?’
‘Ya, he’s getting ready. Just a minute.’
‘Hi. Rajat.’ He said.
‘Hi!
‘Hey, hi! So good to hear you.’
‘How’s the groom getting ready?’
He smiled, ‘Ya, am almost ready. Are you ready? When will you be starting? You have to reach the venue before 2, ok?’
 ‘Ya, desperate fella’ she chided laughing, ‘I’ll be there before 2, to welcome the groom.’
He laughed, and continued, ‘And thanks. Really, I mean it. Thanks a lot for understanding. I tried my best, but it was contrary to their reason. But you understood. You were my support. You’re the best!’
‘You like her, right?’
‘Yes. Anwesha is a nice girl. My parents are very happy.’
‘Ya, that’s what matters the most. I’ll hang up now and see you soon.’
‘Yes, come soon.’

She disconnected, and looked at her phone wallpaper. It had her father’s inspiring words for two of his favourite ladies, her sister and she- “STRONG GIRLS DON’T CRY”. She shut her eyes tight, trying to keep a check on all the mingled feelings that were trying to gush out. ‘I won’t papa, I won’t’, she recited.

Jigyasa entered the room again, now calling all the friends one by one, to meet at some place. From there, they would travel together. She heard her arguing, pestering, and doing what not, just to ensure that all reach on time. ‘You have some time?’ she asked Jigyasa.
‘I have all the time. Why don’t these damn people get it? When you’re given a time, you ought to keep it! How do you expect me to manage?’ Jigyasa was fuming.

‘I want to visit my family’, she said calmly.
‘We are already running slightly late’, Jigyasa looked anxious. ‘No problem, we’ll manage, you go’, she said after a moment, smiling.
‘And please try to be soon’ Jigyasa called out as she dashed out the door, lifting her saree till ankles to avoid tripping.

Her friends knew. This was her tribute, her way of keeping her family involved in all decisions of her life. Before any major occasion, she’d slip away to the cemetery for some time.

She clicked the key into the ignition of her Honda and steered out to the petrol station just round the corner. She held out the credit card between two fingers and said ‘Tank full’. ‘Yes, ma’m’ came the reply and her card was swiped. She hit the reverse gear and swept a smooth turn. Then flipping her mobile out the car, she buzzed the window shut, and drove away.

After about 90 minutes of frantic searches and calls to a ‘not reachable’ cell-phone number, Jigaysa slumped on her bed, only to find a wedding card half concealed under the pillow, that read, ‘Rajat weds Anwesha’. That wedding was today at 2.

But hadn’t Ananya said she’d have to acquiesce,  since nothing could be done about Rajat’s parents not approving of them? Hadn’t Ananya finally agreed to her marry her colleague? And hadn’t Ananya wanted the engagement to be today?  But Ananya had already gone by then.

The Bride to Be! Part-1

She woke up at half past five. Though the alarm was set at seven and the wedding was at two. This was the day she had been waiting for. In fact, this is the day any girl awaits, with palpating anticipation.

She stretched lazily after the few hours of sleep she had managed, due to the exhaustion. But last night, she had struggled to sleep. She couldn’t stop smiling as she lay on the bed looking around her room for the last time.

Her eyes fell on the bedside table. On it stood a crystal vase with a bunch of wilted, dry roses. It was difficult to say which colour those roses would have been. But the memory of them was as fresh as they once were.

It was the day after he had proposed. He had got her this bunch of fresh, red, half-bloomed roses. She had excitedly taken the bouquet and retorted, it was not Valentine’s yet. To which he had replied, “It’s a valentine’s day, every day, with you in my life. I can’t wait for some bullshit day to show you that I love.” Thus, three years had passed.

They had planned on today’s date from a long time. 17th of April. It used to be her father’s birthday. The thought of him no longer made her funereal. Though, she felt extremely sad, not being able to introduce Rajat to him. Her dad would have been so proud and happy. Though the thought of him never failed to lacerate her, in good and bad times alike, Rajat was her panacea. Now he had become the one she could run to. Whenever, whatever, he was there.

But nothing was same after that night; when she was informed that her family had been the victim of a gruesome accident. She was rushed to the hospital by some neighbours. But her intuition screamed, she wouldn’t be able to talk to her parents and sister anymore. Her world had crashed around her, even before she reached the hospital. And she alone had to bear it.

Her uncle had entered the cold storage room first and confirmed their identities. She barely managed to snoop through the limited confines of a tiny window on the heavy door. Then she nervously entered the morgue. Three bodies were placed side by side. The white sheets covering the corpses were blotted red in places. The room reeked of blood and maybe preservatives too. She had to be carried out by two nurses, and given a couple of band-aids.

A year passed before she rejoined work. Jigyasa, her friend from school had moved in with her, when she came to work in the same city. The melancholies of life had dragged her rough, and tenaciously slow. She was just not her, the incestuous lady that reflected in the mirror. She was maimed beyond her own admittance.

But not today. She jumped out of bed and did a slow dance around the room. She thought she could smell his debonair fragrance. The thought of him made her hug herself in glee. She was feeling unusually shy today, thinking about him. Oh! My man, she thought. How, within a matter of months he had become the world, she had been trying to evade!

She picked the newspaper lying at the foot of her main door, and quickly opened to the page with the section she considered bestiary. But not Rajat. He followed it daily with an almost pious allegiance. ‘Steer clear of rash decisions. Consider your options before taking the plunge. Not a good day to be alone.’ This was the loud warning under her sun sign. She crumpled the paper and murmured, ‘Not today, honey. Not today.’

She ran to her cupboard. On the wall beside it, hung a large frame. The photo in it, was in contrasting sepia tones. It was their Ooty visit. Overwhelmed by his constant presence, and absorbing love, she had confessed ‘You’re like a dream to me.’ He had playfully he pinched her cheeks hard. ‘Oww’ she squealed. ‘No, I’m not’ he had grinned. And a friend had clicked.
 
She carefully brought down her wedding attire. It was a baroque lehenga, which her mother had worn during her wedding. She lifted it out slowly from the heavy box and observed it close, feeling its intricate patterns with her fingers. The rich crimson silk was overlaid with intricate gold motifs and glittering stones. She wished her mother was there to help her wear it properly, and then look on with pride, at what her little girl had become.

Jigyasa knocked and barged in before she could answer, and froze at the door. ‘You’re looking b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l’, Jigyasa muttered slowly, looking stunned. She stood blushing, trying to hold her saree pleats in place and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
‘Now that you’re ready, let me call the others, so that we can start.’
‘I still have to do my hair’ she meekly appealed.
‘Take your time sweetheart." Jigyasa smiled, "You’re already looking a gem. I don’t know what more you can do. But I won’t interfere.”

                                                                                                                Concluding...

Afterall, its him!

As you walked into the hospital

To hold your bundle of joy,

What did you think dad?

What did u dream that day?

Do you remember, when carrying

a plump bag on two tiny shoulders

I had dragged my feet

to get home one day?

Its you, I had looked for

As I had entered,

To inform you about the big race

Your daughter had just lost.

I was crestfallen to

See you not bothered.

But you had your mind

On something much better.

The day I had cheated at school

& was caught by my teacher & complained to you.

I was scared & ashamed, to be heard or seen,

Because of the disgrace that I had been.

I lowered my eyes &

broke in a sweat.

You just said- ‘I have high dreams for you

This is not what I expect.’

I stood there dumbfound

I had feared you’d admonish

But this is not what I deserved

I expected to be punished.

And a few years down the line,

I had waited impatiently for you

To return from office, to hand you

my certificate, beaming with joy.

You planted a kiss on my forehead

& u patted my back.

I had felt like an Oscar winner

That night, amidst thunderous claps!

You took a long look

& with pride filled eyes u said,

‘You’ll go a long way, my girl

You’ll go higher some day.’

And that day when on hearing noises

Into the kitchen I ran,

To see you & mother fight,

I cried to having seen such a sight.

The very next morning I was astonished

To see you hug mom & say ‘sorry’

& I knew I wanted someone like u father,

In my own love story.

As you’ll walk me down the aisle some day

and place my hand in another’s,

You’ll still be my favourite hero, dad,

You’ll always be my first love.