Conversations #2

"I am not going to sit quietly and take your crap" she fumed.

"You have me, but you don't want it", he replied mollifying.

"After all these years, is this all I'm worth? she demanded. "We're talking alimony here. This is not some joke."

"You're worth my life", he replied.

"Oh stop it!" she banged the table between them. "I'm no more the besotted in love, naive girl, who fell for the broody genius of college."

"But I'm still the nerd who fell for the matured and extremely beautiful college fresher" he quipped.

"Do you think you can woo me by such gushy, eloquent speech of yours?"

"I did that once. It was extremely difficult. I know how hard it is to convince a strong lady like you. I don't know how to do it again for the lady who can see through me now."

"Remember, our daughter stays with me. We can discuss your meeting arrangements with her once my lawyer comes”, she snapped, ignoring his statement.

“Can we work out an arrangement where I can stay with you too?” he grinned apologetically.

“You find this funny, isn’t it? I am leaving! Do you realize that?” she said exasperated.

“I know that”, he replied gravely, “and I desperately wish you don’t.”

“We can’t work it out” she said, looking into his eyes.

“We’re meant to work it out. You just don’t want to see it” he sighed.

Silence ensued for a whole minute.

“We don’t talk anymore”, she complained in a tone barely audible.

“You’re right. And when you thought of putting that right, you didn’t say it to me, but got a lawyer instead” he retorted.

“Were you even there to listen to me?” she felt the anger, hurt and neglect welling up inside her again.

“Okay. I want to propose something again, today. And this is a promise”, he said, going down on one knee and taking her hand in both of his.

“I am sorry! I am extremely sorry! I went back on all our marriage vows. But today I promise you, from now on, I’ll be a husband and father first, before anything else. I am not a man of letters, you know that. But I strongly hold the adage that when something breaks, we mend it, not throw it away. So, trust me if you still can.”

She was sobbing uncontrollably by then.

A minute later, her lawyer walked into the room. He saw both of them holding hands across the table and talking. Confused, he hurried towards them.

“We won’t be needing your services anymore, thank you”, he smiled at the lawyer, and turned towards his wife and winked.

Conversations #1

"Don't dance before my eyes," he said.

"But I'm just sitting and reading," she replied, glancing up at him.

"Yes, but the way your lips move silently, as if whispering a reticent prayer. The way your eyes vacillate from the pages, to the open window, and to me. The way your fingers slip through your auburn hair and you rest your temple on the heel of your palm. And your words weigh down, carefully aimed to knock down any defence of apprehension. They are nothing less than a rendition. And you say you're just sitting?' he said amused.


Also published at The Anonymous Writer

Between Us

Just a wink-full of sleep
To evade the fears,
And this pluvial season
of resilient tears.

The jarring reminder
of his last words,
Imposed sleepless nights
on her weakly bod.

He glid through her phases
like an ubiquitous shadow;
And lay interwoven in her being
like a sequin tad old.

"Between us, the world doesn't
stand a chance", she thought.
"Between us, we'd make
the best", she hoped.

When he left, he left her
a glade of pain;
Left her abashed, tumultuous,
that she couldn't draw rein.

And so again she tried to catch,
Just a wink-full of sleep,
To evade the fears.

You're worth it

You’re worth the hurt,

You’re worth the pain,

You’re worth every ‘no’, from our kin.

You’re worth the painfully tough decisions,

You’re worth the chaotic confusion

Of countless voices, saying things for my good.

You’re worth every drop of my tear,

You’re worth every love that I had lost,

You’re worth giving up, the things that I held close.

You’re worth the sacrifice, 

the jibes, the scorns, & even the adjustment blues.

If that’s the small cost, so be it, just for you.

You’re worth the worrying, sleepless nights,

You’re worth the fear of losing it mid-way,

Because,
We’re worth being together, we’re resilient.

All for the hope of being with you.

My love, you’re worth it all.

“Love always protects, 

     always trusts, 

       always hopes, 

         always perseveres. 

           Love never fails.”   -Bible.

Afterall, its him!

As you walked into the hospital

To hold your bundle of joy,

What did you think dad?

What did u dream that day?

Do you remember, when carrying

a plump bag on two tiny shoulders

I had dragged my feet

to get home one day?

Its you, I had looked for

As I had entered,

To inform you about the big race

Your daughter had just lost.

I was crestfallen to

See you not bothered.

But you had your mind

On something much better.

The day I had cheated at school

& was caught by my teacher & complained to you.

I was scared & ashamed, to be heard or seen,

Because of the disgrace that I had been.

I lowered my eyes &

broke in a sweat.

You just said- ‘I have high dreams for you

This is not what I expect.’

I stood there dumbfound

I had feared you’d admonish

But this is not what I deserved

I expected to be punished.

And a few years down the line,

I had waited impatiently for you

To return from office, to hand you

my certificate, beaming with joy.

You planted a kiss on my forehead

& u patted my back.

I had felt like an Oscar winner

That night, amidst thunderous claps!

You took a long look

& with pride filled eyes u said,

‘You’ll go a long way, my girl

You’ll go higher some day.’

And that day when on hearing noises

Into the kitchen I ran,

To see you & mother fight,

I cried to having seen such a sight.

The very next morning I was astonished

To see you hug mom & say ‘sorry’

& I knew I wanted someone like u father,

In my own love story.

As you’ll walk me down the aisle some day

and place my hand in another’s,

You’ll still be my favourite hero, dad,

You’ll always be my first love.

Bright Black July

‘It’s not going to work out’ she said, tears streaming down her face. ‘Tumi keno bujhte parcho na?’ (why don’t you try to understand?) His gaze fell to the floor & he pleaded – ‘Give me a chance to make it work, please’.

Couple of minutes back, he had come over to her house for a casual visit. Her dad had answered the door. She came out to meet him and her dad went to their backyard to tend to his plants. They both sat in the living room.

And after some time of talking, when he thought he could, he had popped the question. Her face had turned crimson. She tried looking away, but he saw & smiled. He knew the answer. Just had to hear it from her.

But she denied.

She struggled with her thoughts, fumbled with her words & hesitated to look him in the eyes. He was crying from inside. He badly wanted to give her a hug to assure her that he was serious about them.

She went into the other room sobbing. He sat dejected on the sofa, thinking what his next move would be. He was angry. He wanted to storm out of the house. But he knew, she was the one he would want to go to. And she was here, crying in the other room, still undecided.

He knocked at her door, ‘Please don’t cry. Please would you come out?’ ‘If you are trying to convince me, please don’t’, she said inconsolably from inside the room. He stood, his fist clenched against the door, thinking as to what his parting words would be. ‘Remember this, nothing will change between us.’ And he left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She thought he had a smile to die for. Just the thought of meeting him would make her get butterflies in stomach. Just his reassuring presence beside her made her forget the world around her. She never had a worry when he was with her. She trusted him blindly & never gave a second thought to anything that he suggested for her.

There were no sun rays pouring into her room that dark day of July. She gloomily looked at the heavy downpour through her window. Her heart was crying louder. She brought down her phone from the side table and dialled.

‘Can we meet for coffee?’, she asked. ‘As always’, he smiled.

He had arrived five minutes earlier & watched her get down the auto, carefully angling her umbrella against the pelting rain. Aqua-marine wasn’t her colour. But she looked beautiful nonetheless. She hated rain, but he liked her coming out for coffee with him.

He was standing just inside the door. He smiled warmly. She nodded lightly. She suggested sitting near the huge French window of the café. The rain drops trickling down the glass helped her instantiate her thoughts.

He had already ordered for her favourite chocolate flavoured coffee. She drew her thoughts from the rain outside and turned towards him. Looking at the steaming cup placed before her, she said- ‘When you were not there for me, I realised what you meant to me. I’ll not say I can’t live without you because I survived through last week. But I’ll confess I don’t want to live without you. I want to live, and not just survive & not without you anymore.’

All the while she spoke looking into the steaming cup and playing with it. She tried looking away from him, stealing glances at the other guests in the Coffee-Bar lounge. But time & again, she was drawn to him.

She tried speaking again. ‘It was difficult to stay calm & sane knowing that you are out with her. It was difficult to suddenly get to know of another person in your life who held so much importance. I felt bad to know that you had so safely hidden her from all. I wanted to know who Poulami was. More than that, I wanted to know why you liked her.’

 ‘I kept pulling the reins of my mind not to think of you with her. As much as I tried to be normal picturing you both together, I felt myself flaring. My mind wouldn’t stay put with working. It kept lapsing into the void territory where it refused to think of anything but you. I’m not myself again, without you.’

He took her hands in his and –‘May I?’ She smiled, surprised. He lightly kissed her hand and said ‘How could you even think that I could have gotten over you? I love you.’

 She looked at him askance. ‘I have never known a girl called Poulami.’ He said & winked, ‘I wanted you so much in my life.’ He continued, smiling, looking at her bewildered face. ‘I had always loved you, I knew that. I just wanted you to realise your feelings for me.’

Come back.......no more.

I've done my share of mistake

I've had my share of heart-break.

Leave me now, don't come back

Don't spoil my present with my past.

As you had smothered

my identity in yours,

Now don't curb again the freedom

I have gained,

                      losing you.

From clasping of hands

               to grabbing my wrist.

From 'miss you' calls

               to slamming of phones.

From 'our story'

               to 'your things'.

You had asked - if I'd love you,

and I had risked my all on you!

The day you flung your coat,

The times you lied,

The moments I held back explaining

what I hated about you, why?

As you walked away, jerking aside my hand

Not turning back

                                not even once,

I stared at your receding shadow,

hoping against hope,

my eyes full of love & tears, 

I knew you wouldn't come &

I knew I wouldn't call.

You've lost it again,

                  now you've lost it for good.

I dare not dare myself a second time,

and I know it'll not be you.